Coming to an End, Beginning Again

As I close this chapter and turn the page, I felt the need to write a little something about 2017. It has been a good year, with all of its flaws. I am so grateful.

This year has been full of growing experiences, as they all are, but I have been particularly proud of myself over the past twelve months. More so, I have been acutely aware of my privilege and my extraordinary luck in life.

About a month ago, I had a conversation about privilege. Continue reading “Coming to an End, Beginning Again”

A Word from Abroad

After a week in Barcelona, a week in Venice, and a weekend in Milan, I have realized two things: 1. The world is incredible. 2. One must pace oneself in order to experience it as such.

Each day, I’ve needed to find a new pace. Some days, I’ve been tired, but pushed myself just enough; other days, I’ve awoke three hours too early to fulfill the excitement that emanated through my body; and of course there have been days when I’ve set out at the wrong pace, and have had to adjust to find one that felt right.

At the right pace, I’ve soaked in some of the most incredible sights, some of the greatest people, and some of the weirdest literary texts. Each place I’ve stayed has also reminded me of who I am, who I was, and who/how I want to be. Likewise, these moments have reflected the environments that allow me to grow, and those which prove more difficult to navigate, even with the best map. Continue reading “A Word from Abroad”

A Word from 2017

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It’s been a while. It’s been long enough for me to briefly lose ownership of this website because I forgot to renew it and to not even realize. It’s been one summer semester and two school semesters. It’s been family vacations, holidays, explorations, new jobs, new friends, old friends, and a ton of other adventures and experiences.

I think I stopped writing because I didn’t have anything to say. Then, I had too much to say. Next, I wasn’t sure what I wanted to say. And then, I wasn’t sure what I needed to say. Now, I don’t have anything I need to say, I have a lot I want to say, and I know I probably could say nothing at all, or say too much all at once.

Here’s what I will say:

The past year has been everything I needed and nothing I expected. I always hoped to find purpose and meaning. I always hoped to stay in my life long enough to find that. I always hoped life would be the answer, if I could just live long enough. This year, I did.

A few days ago, I wrote for someone about my search for meaning and realized that there are a lot of things I’ve learned that might be valuable to someone else and worthwhile to offer to a greater audience.

Continue reading “A Word from 2017”

Two Years Are Better Than One

On January 28, 2014, I graduated from a treatment center after getting stuck in a cycle of being passed from one treatment to the next. I moved into transitional living in California and, for the first time, had to look in the mirror and meet a self that would no longer be defined by my mental health issues nor the measures of success with which I had identified myself prior to my diagnoses. I was, in many ways, alone, across the country, and raw to my emotions. I felt lost.

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It’s crazy to think of how much has transpired since that graduation and how much can change in two years. For the most part, I’m still me. I have the same brain and many of the same values. But in a lot of ways, I can’t recognize the person I was two years ago. I have compassion for myself when I think about how hard it must have been to have no idea what direction my life was going to go- what my interests were, if I even had interests, and the small amount of desire I had to live to which I hung so fervently. I know without a doubt that I could not be where I am now if I had not been who I was then, but it feels distant.

Continue reading “Two Years Are Better Than One”