Having discharged from a residential program for eating disorders less than three months ago, I am taking the first steps out of the womb, out of my darkness, and the first baby steps back into the real world. As it always does, life has offered its ups and downs (and earthquakes), and as I always do, I have felt them with a sensitivity that has, at times, knocked me down. However, in this new life, I have promised to be different.
And so, I have agreed to try something new. Sitting in a therapy group a few weeks ago, after going through a solid run-down of my blues, it was brought to my attention ever-so-gently that maybe, if you close your eyes and tilt your head, I was a little too attached to the negatives. After all, for the first time ever, I have been eating my food and maintaining my weight and living my life, one that might actually classify as a life to other people, also. The question was posed to me, “What if you didn’t have to struggle?” I didn’t know. Though I knew the struggles I had were real and painful, my depression or anxiety or both, at times, really did sweep me off my feet, I also knew that I had joy, that of which I highly underrated.
I was given the task to look only for the brighter things in life. If it dulled or cracked or did pretty much anything other than hurt your eyes to look at, I had to stay away. In an attempt to find a kinder, less embarrassing expression than, “Stop being a Negative Nellie”, my new mission was dubbed, “Look for Shiny Things”. Though I have been hesitant to eliminate an emphasis on what’s wrong, I am taking a leap of faith and trying to live each day as if it were my last, to find a balance of what’s right. Besides, it’s about time I catch up…I have a lot of living to do.